Saturday, 14 March 2015

Over half way there!

Sorry to leave you hanging... the Harmony results came back fine, and the IPS as well.  We did the proper 20 week anatomy scan too, and all was normal.  I finally told people at work and the rest of my family that I was expecting.  For some reason that was really hard.  I was practically sweating with nerves before telling my principal about it.  With my family it was hardest to tell my brother, because I wanted to tell him about the donor egg part but it was so uncomfortable to even bring it up with him.  We are not that close, so it did not feel good to have this kind of conversation.  His reaction made it difficult too, not because he had a bad reaction but he actually had nothing to say at all, not one single question.  I was almost thinking to myself, did I actually tell him or did I just imagine I did?  It went something like this...  Me: Great news!  We are expecting a baby!  Him: Yeah, Mom already told me.  That's great!   Me:  We used an egg donor to have the baby, since we have been having a lot of fertility issues.  Him: Oh!  When is the baby due?  Me:  July...  Him:  I think we are actually going to go on our holiday to Scotland in May, so we won't be coming this summer.  Me: (wondering if this is related to baby being due in the summer) Oh, that's too bad...

So the conversation with him left me feeling a little bewildered and rather disconnected from him.  I'm not sure what else is going on with him but I wish we were closer and could really have a more meaningful conversation.  I don't know how much he knows about egg donation, perhaps nothing, or if he has an opinion about it and what that might be.  I just don't know.  Some time has passed so I am not so concerned about it now, but it was not a great feeling after our talk.  I hardly ever see him since he lives on the other side of the country, but we have always tried to stay connected.  Hopefully it will be better when I see him in person, eventually. 

After that conversation, I chickened out from telling my aunt about the egg donor part, I just told her we were expecting.  I told my cousin in an email, though, and she forwarded that to all my other cousins (which I had not anticipated... I just meant to tell her because she is close to me and the other ones not as much... but I guess it does not really matter). 

I still have a few acquaintances that I rarely see that I haven't told about the pregnancy yet, but most people I have told, so that is a real relief to me.

I'm getting more excited about the baby coming and it's starting to feel more real.  I am showing more now, and I even told my students, which they are wildly excited about now.  So that makes it all feel much more positive.  We are planning a few renovations on our house, primarily putting in new hardwood floors and rebuilding a wall to create a third bedroom (the wall was taken down by a previous owner who wanted an open space there instead.  The floors are going in next week, so we are trying to pack up all our stuff to get it out of the way.  It is crazy because we are doing both the ground floor and the upper floor, so there is no place to put the stuff except the basement or the garbage.  The basement is getting pretty full, so we are trying to purge as much as possible.  We are going to go live at DH's parents' place next week during the construction.

Our house is small, but we are going to try to make it work with a few improvements.  Now that our big fertility expenses are done, we can dedicate some funds towards some much needed home improvements.  Our furniture is horrible, too, so we will replace that eventually, as we get the money for it.  One great thing about our house is that we have paid off the mortgage, so that is why we are staying.  We were looking at moving and any way we look at it there will be at least $300K- $500K add on to upgrade our house.  I am about to go on another leave for a year, so this is not the time to do that, really.  Last year I was on my extended maternity leave so had 6 months of no salary at all, and during that time we paid $57K cash on 3 rounds of fertility treatments.  (I did not even realize it came to this amount until I saw our annual summary statement from the clinic, part of which we can claim on our taxes).  Insanity, but that is what it took to complete our family, and we would rather spend it on a baby than any other thing that money could buy.  That is a lot to recover from, though, and we are lucky to still be afloat, just barely in the black.  If DH gets laid off (which could and has happened in the past) then we would not be in a good position with a new, big house, neither of us working, and with whatever mortgage on top of the property taxes, utilities, and regular expenses.  So at least by staying in our little 750 sq foot shack, which is at least in a great neighbourhood, we have some financial security, and that is worth something.  We have some great neighbours, too, so I feel better about staying.  The schools are good, we are close to parks and shops, close to work, it is all good.  We looked at some other houses and honestly I didn't love any of them overall.  Our house, with all of its defects, was still better, mainly because of the location, so we are staying here and making the best of it.  Continuing to throw things out (which is hard for a pack rat like me) and pretending we live in Europe instead of North America helps considerably. 

So that is what is new with me!  I'm now 22 weeks along, so pleased to be getting closer to viability.  I go for my gestational diabetes screening in a few weeks.  Last time I had some issues and had to monitor my eating and check my blood (but did not need to take insulin) so I hope it goes better this time.  Fortunately it all turned out fine for Joseph, it was all more of a precaution and just a bit of a bummer that I had to cut back on some things I craved (carbs!  sweets!) but honestly not a big deal at all in the scheme of things. 

Here are some pictures of my now 2 year old!!  He loves playing outside. He is getting really good at talking and loves singing too.  He is our little elf - mischievous, sometimes angry, often laughing.  We love him so much!  :-)


Here is Joseph with the bear that I made him pose with each month as a baby.  He still plays with it sometimes when I pull it out, and tries to ride it like a donkey, in fact! 
Here he is back then.  The bear is one of those things that we should get rid of since it is too big for our house!  But we think it is cute and will keep it for baby boy #2.



  1. Love the pictures of Joseph. I'm sorry about your brothers reaction. Sometimes men specifically don't know how to respond to things like egg donation. Glad this baby is feeling more real for you. Congrats on 22 weeks!

    1. Thanks, Jessah! Yes, I think it is a hard topic for men. DH doesn't even really like to talk about it, unless I bring it up! Good luck with your upcoming delivery! Can't wait to hear that your little one is safely in your arms!

  2. I am so happy for you that you are half way there! So exciting :) It is a shame that your brother reacted the way he did but I think men that haven't experienced pregnancy (fathering a baby I mean lol) just don't know what to say other than congrats. My husband told his fraternal twin brother when I get pregnant but he cannot understand why we still don't have a child after so many pregnancies.His girlfriend will be the one to phone and say sorry about my miscarriages. I think your brother will come around and accept this baby once he is borrn the same as his other nephew.

    1. Thank you, Chantal! My brother does have kids, but never had any fertility issues. He is a good guy, but really doesn't get it. He's also the kind of guy who is not very emotional or "touchy feely" so I didn't really expect too much from him. I'm sorry to hear your brother in law was so insensitive about your losses.

  3. 57K.. I cannot get over that. So happy your scan went well, 22 weeks is so exciting! I was a little worried over the lack of update.
    honestly, I'm not that surprised at your brother's reaction. I think people have no idea what to say when talking about fertility issues, and many people have no idea what donor egg is. Better to have a non-reaction than an insensitive freak out probably.

    1. I know... the money part makes me sick to think about. Usually I just don't think about it at all, and definitely don't share this with those who don't understand. We have spent it, it is gone, and we are moving on. It feels kind of liberating to no longer have more treatments ahead of us, though you never know what life will throw at you, of course. I'm just glad to close that particular chapter, it was an expensive one in more ways than one.
      I was expecting a few more questions from my brother, maybe just more curiosity I guess. I find it hard to read what he is thinking when he says nothing, but maybe the dialogue will reopen later, once he has had more time to think about it. He's a pretty smart guy, but has really no experience with fertility problems. He's pretty diplomatic, too, so that is why his silence is a bit troubling, for him this could mean he has some negative things that he doesn't want to say, but he is thinking them. Or it could just mean he has no frame of reference or thoughts formed on this topic. Oh well, I wanted him to know, and he does, so the hard part is done.