Thursday, 1 January 2015

NT scan

The  NT scan was earlier this week and went fine.  1.6 cm so the Dr is happy with that.  As a point of comparison, I had an NT of 1.3cm for Joseph and 4.7 cm for Lily.  Anything under 2.5 cm is considered normal.  The Dr talked me out of doing the NIPT, so I will have to wait until Jan 20 to do part 2 of the triple screen blood test and know more conclusively that things are going well.  We have still not told our families or friends, so I wonder if they will be mad about that.  Of course we saw everyone over the holidays and it would have been a good time to tell them.  I just don't feel like they are going to be excited or happy about the pregnancy anyway, my family once they know it is donor egg will probably have some concerns and questions that I don't really feel like answering, and my friends, even the ones we don't tell about the donor part may feel jealousy and curiosity about how the hell I got pregnant at age 42.  If they have not completed their families the way they wanted to there could be more negative feelings than well wishes.  Like my childhood friend, who is divorced and now about to move again for a job opportunity out west, I just know this news is going to depress her and that is the last thing I want.  I think this news will be surprising to many people since we are infertile and past 40, we also have our wonderful Joseph... in their minds we were done with family building.
Anyway, it is weighing on my mind how I am going to tell all these various people.  Shouldn't I be happier about this?  I feel like I am being inconsiderate also to the baby by not sharing this news that he/she exists.  Anyway, the plan for the moment is to wait for the Jan 20 blood test results, which will actually be after Jan 20, so maybe the end of January more like.  However, my friend, whom I made reference to above, is actually coming to stay at my house all of next week, and I have my first OB appointment on Thursday morning!  Do I go to the appointment and not tell her what it is about?  Do I just tell her as soon as she comes on Monday?  I will be 13 weeks then.  I thought we might start telling people after the NT scan but DH has not said anything and I also feel hesitant.  I guess as I said, I'm worried that people won't feel happy about it and so I don't want to deal with their feelings on top of my own.  I don't want to have to sell people on the idea that being pregnant at 42 is a great idea, or being pregnant with donor eggs at 42 is a great idea.  Maybe it is a bad idea, how am I to know, and if they have doubts then that will just add to the ones I already have myself.  I am tired, we have been at this for 10 years already.  This is also the reason I don't want to try again after this.  DH has made it clear that he wants to actually use the frozen embryos to try for another sibling, and I am thinking no, I/we will be too old and this is already pushing it.  To me, those embryos are only useful if this pregnancy falls through, then I would entertain the idea of trying again for a second living child, though I don't know if I will actually have the strength to go through that if there is in fact another loss. 
I can't believe how fast time passes.  I swear I was 32 just a few weeks ago, really!!!!  In a few minutes I may be turning 80, I'd better just watch it...
The years just fly by.  This year was sweet to celebrate New Year's with Joseph, who actually sort of gets it this year.  We did a countdown at noon at a restaurant that had a kids party and balloon drop.  They did the countdown and then it was so cute afterwards when he kept repeating  "1, 2, 3, 4, 5... Happy New Year!" and clapping and smiling  (he does not know how to count backwards, only forwards, so he made that modification himself)  We went with another little 2 year old buddy and his mom, that I knew from my university days.  They had a lot of fun playing with the balloons, having lunch and then running around the restaurant.  In the evening we just stayed in, and that was just fine with us.  It was freezing outside so we just stayed in and had some burritos.  We had another countdown at 8pm for Joseph (count up, I mean!), put him to bed, and then watched a bit of TV.  I actually was so tired I went to bed before the real midnight countdown, how lame is that.  It might be the first year I have missed it and I really don't care.  The new year came, just the same.

In 2 days we will have his birthday party at the house.  It is a mess here, so I need to do some serious tidying up to prepare, and get organized with what we need to buy, etc. 

Here are a few pictures of Joseph skating for the first time. 

Happy New Year everyone, and I hope that 2015 will be a good one for us all.


  1. I'm sorry you're struggling with doubts and feeling old. It sure does sneak up on us, doesn't it. Well, I'm happy to hear your good news about the NT scan and I hope that you start to feel more excited about your pregnancy soon. Happy New Year!

  2. Glad the NT scan looked good. Hope things are still going well! Happy New Year!