Thursday, 25 September 2014

New Donor

We are starting the process over yet again, hopefully for the last time and with a baby at the end of it.  We have a donor with better stats, but I am still pretty nervous about the cycle.  She gave her first name and more information about herself, but she will still be anonymous until the child reaches 18.  That's fine with me, but I just want to make sure we can get in touch with her at 18.  I think I will have to accept that it is going to be a gamble.  She has signed the consent for the clinic to release her identity and contact information at that time.  Do I trust that the clinic will do this?  Not really.  I hate that clinic, they are heartless and I wouldn't put it past them to screw me and my child over in this matter, especially 18 years down the road.  Plus, even if they give the information, what if she doesn't keep her contact information updated and we aren't able to get in touch?  And who are the 3+ other half-siblings, are we ever going to be able to find them?  On the Donor Sibling Registry there is nothing listed for this donor, but we know that 3 couples from this city have children (2 already born and one is one the way) with her eggs.  There may be more after me, too, there is no way of knowing that.  Will they register later?  Who knows.  And if she has her own kids later, those would be half siblings as well.  We will not know until after the child is 18, presuming the cycle works.  Well, we have decided to move forward despite these doubts. 

I don't know the timeline for the cycle yet, but maybe around October/November. I'm going to go in to see my doctor this weekend.  I already started the birth control pill last week, on cycle day 2.  However, my doctor wasn't in, so I got them from the other RE. 

One thing that concerns me a bit about my donor is that when I asked her about her childhood, she explained that her family moved every few years.  Is it weird that she was born in Michigan, her family moved to Washington State, then to Colorado, then to upstate New York, then completed high school at a boarding school on the Vancouver Island?  After that she moved to Calgary to follow a guy, then Toronto to follow a different guy, then Eastern BC for the summer, and now back near Toronto.  It seems that her parents moved for work a lot.   Plus I think it is strange that the person at the agency told me she grew up in Australia.  Is she thinking of a different donor, or what would be the reason that she would say that?  It is very confusing.  Maybe the donor went on a trip to Australia and the lady thought she lived there? 

This donor looks a bit like me, in terms of facial characteristics, but her colouring is different.  She has brown hair and mine is blond, she has blue eyes and mine are hazel.  She also seems to have a lot freckles, and I don't have any on my face, just a few on my arms and shoulders from the sun.  But overall I would say that she looks like someone that could be in my family, despite these differences.  My family is pretty diverse, in a Caucasian kind of way.  I have first cousins with blue eyes and brown hair just like her.  My brother has brown hair and my mother has blue eyes, so it doesn't bother me that much.  Plus DH has hazel eyes and dark hair, so I doubt that the child is going to have blue eyes because his brown/hazel will probably be dominant.  She sent a childhood picture and she had lighter hair as a child, just like Joseph has.  We are pretty close in height, too, since she is 5'6" and I am 5'7".  She said that she is studying Mechanical Engineering, but frankly after reading about her family on the move, I just wonder about that.  I consider it a possibility that she might be making that part up.  I just have a feeling that parts of her story are too good to be true and this is one of them.  She said she has older identical twin sisters and one of them is a biochemist and the other is a translator (English-Chinese) for Nintendo, and they live together in an apartment in Seattle.  Unusual.  Is this donor a really creative story inventor/ liar??  I don't know.

I still haven't erased the pictures and information of the previous donor from my computer.  Like as if there is a chance I might still need it.  Do I think the clinic is going to call and say, oh we made a mistake, actually all those embryos didn't die and they are right here in the freezer ready to transfer!  Ha!

Work is terrible, but I am getting used to it.  I made it through Curriculum Night, where I had to give a presentation to the parents.  That was very nerve wracking, but I feel kind of exhilarated that I got through it.  Joseph is doing better at daycare, though he has been bitten twice.  The first time they didn't even tell me, we just saw the little teeth marks and had to ask about it.  He got bitten on the leg (??) and the arm.  Today I was talking to another mom there who is my friend but we haven't crossed paths picking up our kids at the same time until today (she gets out of work almost an hour before me, lucky b**ch!)  She said her daughter got bitten too, on the face!  Who is this little piranha in there, biting everyone?  (They won't say who the biter is, but they did say that there are two of them and they are girls).  Poor Joseph.  He seems happy enough now, though, and he sings some of the songs from daycare and does the hand actions.  It is a French daycare, so he is learning more French words.  He is eating a few more things now, too.  I think seeing the other kids eat has made him want to try more new foods. 

Sportball is over now, so we signed him up for swimming lessons on Saturdays.  Our weekends are very precious now that our week is a scramble of work, daycare, and chores. 

Joseph all cozy in a towel after Toddler Fit swim class is over.

Trying out some different foods for dinner!



20 months old




  1. I'm glad to hear you've not given up and you're moving forward yet again. I know how hard that must be. I hope so much that you have better results with this donor.

    1. Thanks, Jessah. I hope I have better news to share about this cycle. Hope you are well!

  2. I am so glad to read this update! I was really rooting for you to give it another go :)
    I wonder if your donor is from a military family (or worked in support of the military) and doesn't want to say. With the exception of Michigan all the places are big US Army bases (Washington state, Colorado, upstate NY). I think the most important thing is that she has 3 kids from her eggs.
    Wishing you SO MUCH good luck.

    1. Thanks! I was thinking Military too, but her mom is a patent lawyer and dad is an IT engineer. Just moving around for jobs. She ended up going to boarding school for high school! Very different from my own life experience, and I think a part of finding a donor is trying to find "yourself" in another person, so she is not really a match in many ways. But if her fertility is better I guess that is more important. My other donor was lovely but there is nothing to show for it.
      Thanks for thinking of me! Hope you are ok and let me know about your new blog.