Tuesday, 12 August 2014

Faint line

I have been getting really faint lines on HPTs the last few days and I fear it is not enough for a viable pregnancy.  But I guess I am pregnant, so hooray for that.  I will enjoy it while it lasts.  
This week has been so horribly stressful, I can't even begin to explain it.  We have been going through this horrible decision about which of two mediocre daycares to send him to, and feeling terrible about either choice we finally just had to pick one.  I'm overwhelmed with the thought of going back to work, teaching Grade 1 (a new grade for me), in a new room, and unpacking all my stuff from storage.  My whole life is going to change in a few weeks.  And sadly, I think another WTF appointment is in my future as well, and no new baby to look forward to.  Just more decisions, crap.  I hate making decisions.  Do we try again?  What do we do differently?  Do we stop?  How will we come to acceptance?  My anxiety has been very high and I can barely eat, I feel so sick with worry and too much problem solving.

6 comments:

  1. Im so sorry you don't think this cycle is going to take. Hopefully your line will get darker and this will still work out.

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    1. Thanks, Jessah. It's so hard when you don't know whether to keep hoping, or to let go and move on.

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  2. I am keeping you in my thoughts. I had faint lines for a long time with my healthy son. I will say I know a lot of families that struggled over day care and the kids thrived, even in places the parents didn't love at the outset.

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    1. Thank you, Liz! The line is a tiny bit darker today, so I am back to hoping that all will be ok. And yes, I really didn't need the daycare stress on top of all this. I hope it will work out ok, I'm sure Joseph will adjust to whatever it is like there. Thanks for thinking of me!

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  3. Hooray for a faint line! Maybe just one little embryo stuck around just like you wanted. I really hope you get great news tomorrow! Sorry for all the stress. I can't imagine how hard it will be for you to go back to work. All IF ladies should get to stay home forever with their kiddos if that what they want to do. It;s only fair after all we go through to get them here!

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    1. I would love to stay home forever. This year and a half have been amazing. I enjoyed my job, but I love being a mom way more. I am just going back for the money. We need some now!
      Yes, hopefully one embie stuck. I can't imagine both taking with these faint lines, it doesn't yell "twins" to me. Hoping for one growing bean! Beta is tomorrow.

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