Friday, 1 August 2014

Day 4 report - taking a turn for the worst

The RE just called and told me that none of the embryos are going to be ready to biopsy tomorrow, they have not developed enough, and only 4 of the 7 are still growing.  First of all, I didn't even know they checked them on day 4.  This is pretty shocking news, considering our donor is 24.  She then said one of them was a morula, but the others were not, and they would have expected them to be morulas by today.  So I am very bummed out.  She said we will not be able to do a fresh PGS transfer, but it would be possible to wait until day 6 and see if any were ready then, and biopsy them and freeze them for a future FET.  That terrifies me, what if we wait until day 6 and then none of them make it?  Our other option is to do a Day 5 or 6 transfer with the best one or two without PGS, and hope for the best.  Having twins scares me, but I also think what if we transfer just one, and then none of them make it to freeze.  What if it doesn't work, then there will be no back ups?  So putting in the best two would give us a better shot, but as I said I am very afraid of twins.  Most twins are born premature, that is scary, and also just everything about twins scares me.  Maybe it would be ok, though. 
I am so upset and angry.  I can't believe this is happening on a donor egg cycle, and especially after all the bullshit with the lawyer and the contract with the donor, etc. that this is just going to fizzle out like this.  It is turning out worse than my own egg IVF at age 38!  In my first cycle I transferred 2 and I had 6 to freeze (mind you, the quality was crap, as I found out later).  In this cycle I only have 4 embryos right now, and 3 of them aren't even close to becoming blastocysts!
I am very, very depressed, I feel like crying!
I also wonder about DH's sperm.  Since we have been trying for 10 years, I am now AMA, but maybe his sperm has been at least equally a problem all this time. 
Plus I guess I have myself to blame for choosing this donor, I should have picked someone else.  I thought she would be ok, but I was wrong.
At least we have Joseph, but holy f**k, what a waste!  We really wanted a sibling for him.  Hope is fading.  I am fearful of tomorrow's report.

3 comments:

  1. I am so sad for you. Keeping my fingers crossed that things come together for you.

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    1. Thanks! I hope I am overreacting, but there is really no way to know at this point.

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  2. Oh my goodness. My heart is breaking for this post. I can't even imagine having this response from a donor. I'm so sorry things aren't turning out better.

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