Sunday, 17 August 2014

Beta #2

The beta came back as 20.  So that is the end of my cycle.  We are really devastated, and also very pissed.  How can a donor cycle go like this?  If it were my own eggs, I could understand it, but this is really f**ng unbelievable. 
I have to go in for more betas so they can follow me down to zero, before I can "conceive again".  With no frozen embryos, and my own eggs all being no good, I really don't see how there will be anything to follow this.  What do they mean by "conceive again"?
I will see what my RE has to say about this whenever I get to have a meeting with her.  Who knows when that will be.
I don't even know what to say to my donor.  Am I supposed to email her and tell her what happened? 
I feel angry with her, maybe she didn't take her meds properly or she did something that F-ed up the cycle.  Or maybe she's just a 24 year old infertile, am I the one who is supposed to inform her of this?  I don't even know what to say.  Am I still supposed to be grateful for her sharing this amazing gift?  The gift of sucking up all my finances dedicated to this last attempt, and now I am left to scrape together money that we don't even have to try again on someone who is actually fertile and could actually help us?  Yes, I guess I am an angry, ungrateful b**ch but that is how I am feeling right now.  I feel like knocking my RE's and donor's heads together.  I was depending on them and I feel like they really let me down.  I don't even know if I trust my RE to do another cycle.  Maybe I should change to someone else, or change clinics.


  1. I can totally see where you are coming from. The point of doing a donor cycle and spending tons of money is to be successful. How could this happen when the donor is only 24!?! I'm so sorry. I was hopeful it would double. I'm so so sorry. This is really awful.

  2. I'm so sad to hear this news. Wow, it really, really stinks. I mean, that is an understatement...but there are no words that can help. Big hug.

  3. I am devastated for you. Really and truly, I just feel sick. I wish there was something I could do. I understand your anger with the donor and with the RE. I really can't believe this was the result with a 24 year old donor. She very well might end up in infertile shoes.

  4. I'm so so sorry to read this. There is not much that I can say that is going to make this better. I'm sorry. Hugs.

  5. Just came across your blog. I can relate to how you feel. My first DE cycle was with a 21 year old donor and failed miserably. Her fertilization rate was the same as mine at 43 and produced sub-quality embies, only one made it! I was totally blindsided. While there is never certainty if an embyo will take, I too never expected crappy embies using a donor. I can understand your anger and frustration. Sorry you are going through this :-(

    1. Hi Sunflower! Your blog is an inspiration. I am so glad your second try worked, and I hope that will be the case for me. Who would have thought a donor would have such sh**ty results??? What is wrong with these donors, and wow, what a waste of money. I read through your blog and I really relate to the "house poor"/ "baby poor" concept. We are both of those things! But it is worth it, I know I am very far down the path of crazy in spending money to have a baby, but I would rather do without other things and have my amazing baby! And we love our house, even though we can't afford to really fix it up and have nice furniture. We have our old beater furniture that we have kept since our university days, to the horror of my mother in law, who thinks we should redecorate and even got me a subscription to "Style at Home" to push this point. No money for that, more sh**ty fertility treatments on the horizon. Sigh. At least you got your follow up cycle for free, that is amazing. My crappy clinic guarantees nothing, so we just have to start over. I will beg them for a 10% or 20% discount.