They were able to fit me in really fast for an appointment to discuss in more detail what went wrong with this IVF, and what to do next. They had a cancellation so they fit us in. I feel better now, after the debriefing, and I feel ok with whatever outcome we may decide to pursue. My head had been spinning for a while, because after focusing so long at hard at working towards one goal, which slipped away from me, now I'm not sure where I'm going and how to move forward. Either embracing having our "one and only" Joseph, buckling down for one more IVF (she offered us a discount), or moving on to DE. I have already been researching DE and have been looking at profiles at 2 different agencies. I actually contacted all 3 agencies that she recommended, and they all got back to me with answers to my questions.
Anyway, we are not sure what we are doing yet, but I feel calmer and at least I can breathe now, so that is an improvement. I went ahead and booked myself an appointment for counseling that I am still entitled to under my benefits, for next week, so if I still feel somewhat miserable and depressed I will at least be able to get some relief then. I can always cancel the appointment if I feel good next week, but I doubt I will not still be somewhat down. I need to work through a lot of muddled thoughts, and make some decisions about new priorities after this failure. Is it more important for Joseph to have a sibling, despite the high costs and unpredictable outcome of the treatments, or to save money for his future? How much does it matter whether the sibling is a full genetic match to Joseph? What are we going to do next? What are other people going to think of our decisions, and does that matter? I feel confused and in a fog about all this, and that depresses me.
One thing I do know is that now I will be turning my focus back to parenting Joseph, and I know that can only make me feel better.