Wednesday, 12 March 2014

Jitters, Snowstorm, Cycle Day 1

Last night I was feeling more and more nervous, and stayed up late with many worries on my mind.  Mostly about this cycle.  Not working.  I'm scared to even know what my odds are, but obviously there is a great chance that it won't work.  I'm just thinking about how I will feel and what I will do if I get that news. 

Today was a new day, with new weather blowing in and different thoughts swirling around in my head.  It's cycle day 1, and this is the IVF cycle, finally.  I feel kind of excited that we are finally starting, and I want to feel optimistic, even if that feeling is going to be short lived.  AF showed up even earlier than anticipated.  The RE said that the Cetrotide would bring on a period by the 13th or the 14th, but here we are the 12th and AF is already here.  We are going in to the clinic tomorrow and probably start the stims.  In the end, I was only on the Estrogen patch for 3 days this cycle!  My RE said to take it off as soon as AF showed up.  So I don't know how much "priming" was done in 3 days.  It doesn't seem like much!  Though one benefit of following the same plan as last time, is that I can look at my notes.  Last time I had the patch for 4 days and then AF showed up, so it is not all that much longer.  And to be honest, I do feel quite hormonal and I don't know if that is the extra estrogen, the Cetrotide, or just my nerves, but I was getting cranky with DH today at dinner.  He said he got invited to a night out with his friends on the night of the 22nd, and I told him that we are doing the IVF retrieval around then, so he should not be out drinking right before then, screwing up all his sperm right before they are critically needed.  I was a bit bitchy about it, saying "No! You can't go.  Just tell them you are sick or have something else to do", then he was saying he didn't want to lie to them.  So that made me feel bad, like I really enjoy going around telling lies, but my point is that this is quite important, and he can go out with his friends any time.  And I asked is it possible to go out and NOT drink, and he said no.  Anyway, he said he wouldn't go.  This is another thing that bugs me about IVF is that it is totally impossible to keep it private, because of shit like this.  I don't know what he is going to tell them, but that is his issue.  Also, it pisses me off that if after all this it doesn't work, he will have missed out going to see his friends for nothing.  Plus, if he doesn't tell them the real reason, they may just think he is growing apart from them and doesn't want to be included in other outings.  That stinks.  Thanks, IF.  Having friends wasn't that important to us, anyway.

So we'll see what tomorrow brings.  Here are a few pictures of the snow that appeared today.  It certainly doesn't look like spring is coming yet! 

Joseph is just over 14 months now.  Here he is showing all his teeth.  He's drooling a lot again, lately, so I think there are some more on the way.

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