Saturday, 18 January 2014

AF returns

Well, surprise... AF finally showed up.  Yeah!  Today is cycle Day 1!  It has been a full 6 weeks since I stopped breastfeeding, so it's about time!  And about 9 weeks since I completely stopped that wicked Domperidone, that sent my prolactin levels soaring.  Aside from the off and on post partum bleeding, which at one point I thought was AF (still not sure), I have not had a real period since April 2012!  (That's over 500 days of no AF for me!!)
So we will go to the clinic either tomorrow or Monday, and hopefully get all our bloodwork started.  Then it will probably be a month or so until we get the results of all the testing.  Creeping forward, ever so slowly.  Getting my cycle back is a great first step, though.  Certainly necessary for our plans to have a sibling for Joseph...  I went to have acupuncture today, and the acupuncturist was very happy about my cycle starting.  He said "see, the herbs really work!"  So who knows, but they certainly did no harm, and I will continue with the strange brew until we start an IVF in earnest.  For now it is all about doing everything I can to get myself ready for the IVF (or TTC in general).  I finally ventured back into the gym, a few times, and that was interesting.  I had to put Joseph in the little gym daycare, so I felt bad about that.  When I picked him up afterwards, he had tears in his eyes...  Good thing it is only for an hour, and not all day.  He is really not used to being in daycare.  Hopefully he will get more comfortable with it. 

So, my mind has been going into overdrive thinking about this plan to have a sibling.  To sum it up, I am scared of failing, but also scared of succeeding.  Of course, trying and getting a negative will suck, trying and having a loss will be horrible, but also if I do succeed on my first or even second try, (and I only really plan to do 2 IVFs before calling it quits with my eggs)  then I will not have enough work hours to go back on EI (Employment Insurance). (For example, if I get pregnant in Feb/March, then the baby will be due in Nov/Dec.  I go back to work in Sept but will need 5 months of work to collect EI again, thus I will get nothing.  That kind of stinks!  Also, I would love it if everything worked out, but on the other hand if it did work then that would mean going back to work visibly pregnant, which would be weird.)  Is this a well thought-out plan to try now?  Well, I have to remember that a NORMAL person would have a different plan than mine, probably not requiring an IVF or time off work to do so.  And I need to remember that my age is a huge factor, so delaying my IVF so that I will get EI benefits could make my chances worse.  My window of time for trying with my own eggs is closing with each day that passes.  (Heck, it may already be closed for all I know.  I hope not!)  So I will just not worry about how the timing may affect my job or my finances, or the fact that I have committed to taking time off until September and now I can't very well just drop back in early so I can get hours for EI!  The truth is, we can survive without EI (for now, anyway), but it sucks after having paid into it for 15 years working full time, then not being able to draw on it when I need it.  Anyway, it is not lost on me that this would be a wonderful problem to face, and we will find a solution to manage with less.  If I can just manage to get pregnant, and stay pregnant, period, then I will be VERY happy!!!!  (with a HEALTHY baby, of course, that goes without saying...)  The alternative is returning to work not pregnant, and that would be so depressing.  Especially after all the money, time, and effort.  So I guess my conclusions are that financially it doesn't really make sense to get pregnant until June or later, but I just don't want to wait that long, given my infertility issues. 

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