Monday, 8 October 2012

27 weeks, 2 losses, vision issues, glucose test

The weeks are passing more quickly, I think since I've been at work the time goes more quickly.  Also, I hardly ever have a checkup so there is not much to report on.  Last week I went in for my glucose test for gestational diabetes.  I had a weird sugary orange pop that they gave me and an hour later they drew blood to see how my body had processed it, I suppose.  I have not heard back, so I guess that means I passed? 
Also, last weekend I had a weird problem with my vision.  I came home after going swimming and looked in the mirror, and could only see the left side of my face.  There was part of my vision that just wasn't there, and on the edge I started seeing flashing lights.  At first I thought I was imagining it, but then it got worse.  I tried to read some writing and I could only see some letters and they were moving around.  It was both fascinating and very scary, since I had never had anything like that happen before.  I wondered what to do, but then it did get better and after half an hour it was back to normal.  I mentioned it to my doctor at the appointment and she said I should have gotten medical help right away, next time.  But she took my blood pressure and it was fine, and also my urine did not have protein, so that is good that it was not pre-eclampsia (which is what my internet Dr. Google had presumed).  She said it sounded either like a migrane aura, or a problem with my retina, and since it had not come back it was probably a migrane.  I have never had that before.  Apparently it is brought on by stress, so I guess I am more stressed out than I realize?  And I guess just being pregnant is stressful, especially at my age, so I should take it more easy.
I got terrible news today about a friend at work.  She was also pregnant and had been having some bleeding/ spotting, had taken some time off work, and I just found out she lost her baby over the weekend.  I am just in shock, these things are just not supposed to happen!  I think she was 20 weeks along, and I believe she had an L&D, how horrifying!  I was getting worried about her when she had been gone all week from work, and I heard she might not be in next week either, so I called her but got no answer.  What a terrible time she must be going through!
I am also still processing bad news from another friend who was supposed to have her baby in October (about now, I guess) but had some major problems and lost her baby one week before we were going to go to her baby shower, at the end of August.  She was 34 weeks along and I just can't imagine how awful that loss must have been, plus to go through a L&D knowing that the baby was not going to be coming home.  We found out later that they terminated and I know how difficult that decision making process is, how gut-wrenching and sickening it makes you feel.  At such a late stage, we can only guess what the f**k happened, we are angry on their behalf, how could the doctors not have caught this earlier, how could they get that far and how awful to have to deliver at full term like that.  How does anyone get over something like that?  I don't know how they survived it.  Apparently their baby had problems with its arms, spine, brain, face...  I just don't understand, but the bottom line is they lost their baby and it was extremely traumatic. 
Then there's me, 6 months pregnant and I know how hard it is for these friends to have lost their baby and see another pregnancy continue on.  I have been there so I know.  That doesn't make it easier, I feel like I don't know how to be helpful or compassionate.  I would like to reach out to them but it is hard.  For my friend who lost her baby at the end of August I sent a card and a booklet about grieving baby loss that I had found helpful last year when I lost my baby (though not at that very late stage, like her).  My friend who lost her baby this weekend, I don't know, I am going to send her a message but it is hard.  She has already written me a message thanking me for my call on the weekend and to say that she knows I understand her loss because of what happened to me last year, and that she is still happy for me now and sees me as an example of hope.  So I will write back to acknowledge her message, really I can't believe she wrote something so coherent and proper after just losing her child.  I don't know if I could have written such a message, in her shoes, but everyone is different I suppose.

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