Sunday, 29 April 2012

Beta #1

Beta results today were 519!  The nurse was very happy about it.  She said "you've worked very hard for this!"  I have to stay on my medications (Progesterone, Estrace, Synthroid, Cabergoline) and go back in two days for a repeat test. 

I am so EXCITED!!!!!  I know I should be more cautious about this, but this is the best news I could have dreamed for.  But I know I need to settle down and not get too worked up.  For example, should I not be worried that the number is too high?  My angel had a first beta of 488 and that was the first sneaking suspicion that there was anything wrong, since high beta COULD indicate Downs.  And in the case of my angel, it did.  However, since I did the PGS testing, I'm not too worried about Downs this time (though I suppose there could be some fluke error in the testing results.  What if they put in the wrong embryo?  When they did the transfer they were saying "put in number 4, right?  Was that the one?..."  So I wondered, did they double check that?)

The support group for donor conception yesterday was very interesting.  I'm glad that I went.  There were a lot of different people there with different backgrounds, but I guess in common was that we all had a major struggle of some sort, so we could all relate to that.  Donor conception is such a new and not very common thing (or at least not very openly talked about), there were many questions and issues raised about it and it was reassuring to know that many people are thinking of the same questions / concerns, and although there aren't often "answers" it was interesting to see how some people had resolved these questions in their minds.  Like about disclosure to the child and to others, anonymity and meeting the donor at age 18, how other family members feel about it, etc.

I talked to one girl at the end who somehow I ended up telling that I terminated (rather than "lost" or "miscarried") and she said she had also terminated her donor egg pregnancy in November and was looking for support.  She said online she had only found religious based stuff, so I told her about the TFMR board and she was happy about that.  I can't imagine how alone she must feel, months after her tx and no support!  And she said she was so shocked because the egg was from a young woman, so they didn't expect any chromosomal problems, but after 22 or so weeks they ended up tx.  That kind of blew me away...  Also, she then signed up to do a new round of donor egg and apparently it has been in the news that the agency CFC (Canadian Fertility Centre?) had a "raid" in February and was closed down.  Some other couple there also said that their cycle was in jeopardy because of that raid, however they were able to move everything to another agency, "Little Miracles", which is apparently still functioning.  I had not heard of any of this before.  So this poor girl, after terminating her donor egg pregnancy, had her second donor egg round messed up from the raid and closure of her agency... she thought that maybe God was telling her not to have a baby or that she was going to give birth to a mass murderer and the universe was trying to stop that from happening!

Another woman had two failed donor egg IVFs and was very upset about it and discouraged.  Another woman, who was single, said her family told her they would disown her if she used donor sperm and had a baby that way, out of wedlock, and they would rather not have any grandchildren at all than that because it would be shameful for the family.  These were definitely tough issues to face.  She said she thinks she's going to do it anyway.

There were single moms there using sperm donors who brought their babies, they were very cute, and couples using sperm donor because the man had no sperm, also women/couples who were planning to use donor egg and/or sperm, in the process of doing it, or had done it. 
Anyway, it was an interesting experience.

Really looking forward to my second beta results.  Mostly I'd like to fast forward to 22 weeks and then I can relax more about the pregnancy.  It will be a nerve-wracking ride in the mean time.

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