Wednesday, 29 February 2012

Started my DHEA

I have started the DHEA.  It is 25 mg in a capsule form (hot pink!)and I take it 3 times a day.  I wonder if my insurance will cover this, I think it's supposed to be an experimental drug or not fully approved or whatever.  I got a 1 month supply (100 capsules) and it cost $100 and something dollars, I'm not sure of the amount because I have a credit from when I paid my drug deposit on the cycle that got cancelled, so they took it out of that and I didn't have to pay cash, however I think it was $165 or something like that.  I started taking it already and the doctor said there would be some side effects since it is a male hormone.  I haven't noticed anything yet (it has only been one day) but she said I may get breakouts on my face, and some hair growth on the face also, and the hair on my head may fall out a bit.  Sounds like fun!!!  If it makes a healthy egg, then I don't care, though.  My husband was a bit concerned about the side effects and asked the doctor "well, it goes back to normal when you stop taking it, right?"-- imagining his bald, pizza faced wife, and having a little freak out.  She said it's not that bad, but she wanted to warn me that it was a male hormone and yes, whatever effects it has goes away when you stop taking it.

I'm going back to the clinic on Friday.  I went in this morning and she said I'm going to ovulate soon, so come back on Friday.  After I ovulate, I will get an estrogen patch to prepare for next cycle with a better lining.  Hopefully I'm even able to do a fresh transfer, not like last time when the embryos weren't ready until Day 6 and then they had to be frozen to do a FET after sending the biopsy for the PGS.  More waiting (ugh!!!!) and a good lining prepared for nothing, since I had to wait for the FET anyway.  It seems weird that I'm about to ovulate and we are not going to do an IUI or anything, just let the nice juicy egg release and die and wait for the cycle to end before starting the "real" cycle.  What if, by some miracle, this egg is HEALTHY???  (probably not, but still)  Maybe I'm wasting a chance?  I will never know.  So we'll see what happens on Friday.

On an unrelated topic, we are trying to remodel one room of our house, and it's turning into a huge ordeal!  DH ripped out everything right to the bare squeleton and is reinsulating and re-drywalling it all.  And he ripped out the floor and ceiling too and has to redo that.  We found out that this bedroom used to be a kitchen (!!??) because there was a kitchen floor under the carpet that we removed.  Our house seems to have been 2 apartments.  I can't imagine that, because we find it small and we are just one family of 2 and we have the whole house.  The house divided in two must have been so ridiculously small!  We also found some old newspapers under the kitchen floor that were from the 1940s, I guess when the "kitchen" was put in.  DH was hoping to find something better, like money hidden in the walls, or at least some awesome hardwood floor under the carpet, but no, it was just the kitchen linoleum, the newspapers, and the ugly subfloor.  Bummer! 

I don't know what to do about my EDD that is soon approaching, this Sunday in fact (March 4).  I'm getting a bit nervous and I wonder if I'll regret not making a plan of some sort about that day.
Today is "leap day".  I used to think that there was a good chance my angel could have been born on this day, so it's a bitter sweet day for me.

The secretary ("multiple failed IVF/ endometriosis girl") at work cornered me today and asked what happened with my IVF.  I told her it didn't work.  I feel like it was unlucky to tell her about it in the first place, not that telling her or not telling her had anything to do with the outcome.  But it just felt bad to have to report to her, when I never wanted to talk to her about it in the first place.  She asked what we are doing next, are we going to adopt?  I left her with that impression, I said well we have started our homestudy but never finished it, so we'll see what happens.  She wants to adopt but her husband is totally against it.  They are still paying off their debt from the IVFs that didn't work.  I am glad I didn't get into my cycle plan A, B, and C with her because I just feel that I don't want people at work discussing my business like that, and if I do go to donor eggs I'm not sure I'm going to tell the world about it as my first step.  And if I get pregnant, I don't want the first comments from everyone at work to be "well, was it your own egg or not?".  Not that I plan to keep it a secret if I get to that point, but I just feel like my privacy is being invaded and I'm not in control of what information is being dispersed about me by this chatty woman.  I could tell she was relieved that it didn't work and I wasn't pregnant, so that wasn't too reassuring.  Obviously if I am successful that will hurt her, and I understand that because I feel like crap when people around me get pregnant who have been trying less time than me.  But I am OLDER than her, so she shouldn't feel so bad.  Trying to conceive with infertility is bad enough, and it's more stressful when you feel like people around you are in a race with you.  It makes me want to withdraw and just keep to myself about this, because most people don't understand what I've been going through anyway.

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