Saturday, 11 February 2012

Excited, Depressed, Angry... Repeat

My emotions have been all over the place this week as I have been waiting for my test day.  Three more days.  My feelings and level of optimism change hourly and my symptoms come and go.  This morning I felt excited because I was feeling some small pains in my boobs and a sick feeling in my gut that reminded me of when I was pregnant last time.  I thought this was a good sign that maybe I AM pregnant after all.  But then I'm wondering if I'm not, and these are just teaser symptoms caused by the meds.  That makes me angry to think that I am going along thinking these are good signs, and also how will I ever know next time what on earth is going on if I feel pregnant but am not, plus I know they put in healthy embryos from the PGS testing they did.  What more can I DO to make this work?? 
Then later in the day those symptoms that I had earlier went away and I just felt some cramps.  So that got my mood down low again.  I know if I get a BFN it will be the most depressing blow ever, and I will just have my $16,000 period to look forward to (that's how much this cycle cost, including the PGS).  And I have no embryos left so I will need to start over from scratch... plus my EDD for my angel is coming up in about 2 weeks, on March 4th...  after that MOTHER'S DAY (ugh, ANOTHER Mother's Day without a child) and my 40th birthday on May 18...  (shiver) 
Maybe I will need to get an rx for some happy pills to get me through that string of events!! 

Or a BFP, that would work too!!!!!!  (no pressure!)

No comments:

Post a Comment