Friday, 20 January 2012

Cycle Day 1

AF has finally appeared.  On the one hand, of course I am disappointed that my chance for a natural miracle has eluded me, but really, who are we kidding?  This cycle was super long, too.  44 days!  I have never had a cycle so long.  My cycles are normally 28 or 29 days, always!  Maybe I am messed up since the termination, but it has been four months already.  Who knows?  I am actually glad to see AF at this point, because in the back of my mind I was wondering if this is some sort of early menopause going on, just to stick it to me further.  Thanks, Mother Nature!  I didn't go to the clinic this cycle, since they weren't going to do a transfer at Christmas I figured what's the point.  I am so tired of going there.  I'm just tired, period.  But I'm going back tomorrow.  Hopefully I will get started on my FET for this cycle. 
I'm afraid to even get my hopes up, but I'm afraid to not hope either.  I know that doesn't make any sense.  I don't know what to feel. 

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